I will begin archaically with a anecdote. A long time ago in a not so far away city, a woman walked along the sidewalk on a warm Indian Summer day in autumn. She was hunched over, her heart full of tears and scarred from the many times she had been emotionally and internally stabbed. She looked and felt defeated. She thought about about moving towns, to gain a fresh start, yet at the same time felt like she could not escape what had happened to her on the inside, what people did not see. Suddenly a subconcious stream hit her providing a current for her to swim. An epiphany came to her. She had a choice! She could move in the physical sense from place to place and town to town never being able to run from things because they were on the inside of her or she could take a stand. She stopped as the light went on in her eyes, realizing how ridiculous it was to let one person, even if it were her mentor, or anyone for that matter pretend to be God. She wouldn’t let a 50 something year old woman push her out of town just because the mentor had become a wedge and more influential with her fiance than she! She had crossed an entire continent to get to California! She stood resolutely and spoke into the cosmos/universe/spirit world/spiritual realm that she wasn’t going to be PUSHED anymore! SHE WAS STAYING!
It was only nearly a decade later after confronting her own father who had throughout her life called her disrespectful whether she opened her mouth or chose to remain quiet and a juvenile delinquent most of her young adulthood, and been through two relationships, one which she legally got married to a verbally abusive, undiagnosed narcissistic personality, that she really began to delve into the topic of abuse and recall the instant she took initiative to not get pushed around by her mentor. It was a saving moment. It allowed her to confront her father, to lose her fear, to embrace the just lividness of mistreatement while not fighting fire with fire. It allowed her the strength to stand up to her husband who called her things behind closed doors and not be able to deal with the emotions he elicited in her by his unequal treatment. The persistence; strength to stand. Research and recall of this pivitol moment of several things in that moment and the number of people she had also met in her life that had been abused, by a stranger, by a parent, by a former relationship(s), by a spouse…the epiphany and the psychological detail to that epiphany I experienced I wish I could have shared with them and want to share with others.
In my research as to explanation to myself and to others why I took the path I took, though determined to avoid, I am just starting to learn the medical terms for things but English-put, there are peptides (chemicals) in our brain we get addicted to and the more we feed that experience or emotion without change, we become ABUSE ADDICTS. Recalling my experience with my mentor and my choice to not move cities, I realize now what I didn’t have the words for then. Here is what people need to realize: that freedom realization comes in many phrasing, but here is mine logically: I realized that I was contemplating two roads. I was contemplating a choice. Choice means freedom. I had FREEDOM TO CHOOSE what path I would take. That was POWERFUL.
Unfortunately, so many abused or abuse addicts gain the emotional weight if you will of being fed poison from poisonous words that just like people who struggle with eating and losing weight, dieting, etc, people with emotional weight struggle with the losing of the words of poison of emotional junk food. It is hard to know what a healthy diet of truth and encouragement tastes like. It’s like you are afraid to eat it or it tastes so good you wolf it down not knowing or believing you could have more. Many people’s experience with biblical truth is also part of the abuse because it is associated with negativity and unacceptance (not for their behavior or sin) but them as a person. So if their soul doesn’t matter, why should their emotions?
There are three main things I want to discuss as a starter to this vast topic that are three building blocks of foundation.
Here is number 1:
The Bible tells us we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Hence it is important to develop a relationship and hold fast this truth to love God, seeing He is a loving Creator. This is so, so foreign to someone who has had their walls torn down their entire or most of their life. And especially if one is introduced to abuse at a younger age, when legally, you do not have freedom to leave. It can mentally/psychologically be more of a CHALLENGE to realize your rights to boundaries and walls. You were supposed to be guarded and protected, but your walls were torn down by someone more physically powerful than yourself, of adult advanced mental capability of deceit and credibility and of course again backed by the law, a very powerful entity which can place you with certain people. Your walls of beauty and the beauty of protection has been distorted and called ugly.
Most all of us have seen a toddler realize their power for the first time in knocking down a tower of building blocks or legos or whatever and the power thrill they get at the new realization of demolition. Its somewhat cute/non harmful with building blocks but we hopefully chide them and tell them the lesson that its is not good to knock down something so carefully put together by themself or someone else because it is a lot easier to demolish than the time it takes to build something up. Plus it makes a mess and if they don’t clean it up someone will have to. Otherwise people can trip, step and hurt their feet, and it takes up room with the mess.
The Bible tells us God FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY made us. That we are the Temples of the Holy Spirit. Just as the physical temple in the Bible had a blueprint with unique features and sub-features, each one of us throughout history has had a different set of fingerprints. We are unique temples and no one else is the same temple. We are fortified with Temple walls to fortify us uniquely as no other person can be because we are individuals who yes, deal with humanity general things that tie us together through common experience. However, our walls are specifically designed, fearfully, considerately designed by God. And they are called wonderful along with all our other aspects He created.
When I had that subconscious stream hit me along with the epiphany regarding my mentor, I made a conscious decision. I not only realized things were not working anymore, I realized I was making a choice. And in realizing I was making a choice, I realized I have freedom! The FREEDOM is ALREADY IN MY CONTEMPLATED CHOICE. People in healthy households might not understand the trials others go through and might ask things like: Why dont some people realize that? Or have trouble dealing with that? Believing that? WHY ARE THE SEEMINGLY CONSTANTLY SEARCHING FOR FREEDOM? Because they have been MENTALLY RAPED.
Society and “Help” teach power without telling them the point here in this article of WHERE Freedom is. Yes, it is inside, Yes, it is in Christ, BUT WHERE in HIM?
Because People who have not been told it is not good to knock down legos or building blocks early in life, proceed to adulthood with a powerhungry God complex lacking in empathy or respect for others, including their thought processes. Or they fall away and forget.
They become bigger than the abused. They block out God to the best of their capability and the sight of him to the abused/weaker or weaker minded person and are used by the enemy, Satan, to tear down God’s temple walls. Walls are there to protect you. God built them because HE CHERISHES you as a human being! He wants us to see the walls and ask His help in keeping them up, which brings me to point number two.
Here is number 2:
The second part of this on the psychological level is that society will tell us much about loving ourselves. Indeed, that is an important part. Loving ourselves is loving what God created and should draw us closer and deeper to understanding His design of our temple and Him. However, the lack of the two other loves are not really propagated, yet are essential and here is why: If you love only yourself, you can fall into the trap of self love and forget to love others or just as worse become self absorbed and forget where we came from or even that we were lovingly designed and fall into the trap of pride. Or to love God (who IS LOVE) who Created you and wants to share a heart with you, a connection. The Bible tells us the two greatest (not only) commandments are to LOVE GOD AND LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.
Here is number three:
Love others as you love yourself. Three essentials: Love God. Love yourself. Love others as you love yourself. By loving ourselves, by paying attention and taking care of our bodies and souls, we deeper understand how were designed/built and the love of God in the detail and time of His design and uniqueness that then, we in turn can love others and tell them the same message of how God loves them too. The play Les Miserables so beautifully words why it is important to love others and the essence of that aspect: “To love another person is to see the face of God.” God may be invisible, but he made US in His own image, so that while we may not be able to physically and directly personally see Him til heaven, he calls us to love one another. Many get caught in the trap of hopelessness, lies etc. Again and again in good council and speakers on the topic the refrain is the key is realization, realization of the way you are designed, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, but it can’t and should not just stop there.
Why the cycle of abuse continues is: LACK OF PRAYER WHICH MOVES GOD’S HAND TO CHANGE A PERSONS HEART WHICH WE CANNOT DO AS HUMANS. We can merely help on the psychological level explaining the process of what happens when we are abused but it is the individual who needs prayer and for YOU to be a GOOD, HEALTHY example because they are the only one who can choose whether or not they continue getting abused, but you CAN help them, as I have in this letter, speaking from experience, they HAVE THE POWER OF CHOICE, They were created with walls, that boundaries and healthy walls CAN BE REBUILT even though it may take time. AND that FREEDOM is ALREADY IN THEIR CONTEMPLATING CHOICES OR PSYCHOLOGICAL PATHS OF TRUTH AND LIES.
I have faced and may continue to battle in years to come the lie, “Oh you don’t deserve a good healthy relationship because of things you have done” or “You’ve been through so much unhealthy stuff, what spiritually healthy person would want you, what hope to you have?” Well, if your hope is NOT in Jesus, you do not have hope! Because HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT. People DO disappoint. So THE FREEDOM YOU ARE SEEKING IS ALREADY IN YOUR CONTEMPLATION OF THE MIND OF REALIZING
THERE ARE TWO PATHS TO TAKE: HOPE OR HOPLESSNESS, TRUTH OR LIES. Your walls may have been torn down by someone or many people. But GOD can rebuilt what He already built! He KNOWS how He built YOU! HE SPENT TIME CONTEMPLATING EVERY NANO-MILLIMETER OF YOUR BEING, BOTH PHYSICAL AND YOUR SOUL! We can only hope to explain that which is tangible and in the physical realm. Your walls may have been torn down, but they can be rebuilt. YOUR FREEDOM CAN BE REGAINED. YOUR FREEDOM IS YOURS. NOT YOUR ABUSERS! YOUR FREEDOM YOU FEEL HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM YOU IS ALREADY IN YOUR CONTEMPLATION OF PATHS PRESENTED PSYCHOLOGICALLY & INTERNALLY AND CONTEMPLATION OF CHOICES. TRUE FREEDOM IS YOURS BECAUSE IT IS GIVEN BY GOD TO YOU. YOUR ABUSER CANNOT STEAL (THOUGH THEY MAY TRY) THAT BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO GOD AND HE WANTS YOU TO SHARE IN THE FREEDOM HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON’S LIFE FOR.
PLEASE, IF YOU KNOW OF SOMEONE (MALE OR FEMALE) WHO HAS BEEN ABUSED, EITHER PHYSICALLY OR VERBALLY OR EMOTIONALLY, NOT JUST AS A FLIPPANT TERM, BUT SERIOUSLY, OR SOMEONE WHO MINISTERS TO THE ABUSED, PASS THIS ALONG.