A Not So Silent Film

Soooo, I finally saw “Silence”, which, spoiler alert, is the antithesis of A Man for All Seasons (The story of Thomas Moore, who makes the point that as soon as you let faith — like water out your hands–even a little, lets it all out.) The movie ends with the ever popular “only God can judge a heart” sermon. Spoiler alert again…with the little cross in his hand, but this very little to no difference in worshipping honor / romance as seen in the story Outlander (when Jamie gives up his body to homosexual abuse to save Claire, his wife to save her honor so they can both live together, loving their own life romantically rather than have a backbone and trust God, which is included as just someone Jamie religiously prays to). The priest in the Silence Film did not scriptually test the spirits when he supposedly hears “Christ” speak to him. There was no fruit. The film popularizes what folks want to hear, wanting to believe that God is passive to wicked and selfish servants, not doing anything with the gifts He gave you.

The Priest is bombarded with spirit voice pretending to be Christ (Who did not love His own life above letting us have an eternal one,) a point completely glossed over by the lie that “priests ought to lead by example by not letting others suffer.”

Ironically, the children later are calling the main character, “apostle Paul” at one point. They may have read the Bible, as many have but no one cared enough to bring it to life for them. Paul said in Philipians 1:21 “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain”.

Andrew Garfield, the main character of the young priest is quoted in the media saying this part, and the movie “to ‘fall in love with Jesus'”…http://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/entertainment/2017/january/andrew-garfield-says-silence-film-helped-him-to-fall-in-love-with-jesus.

This is the second heretical film this year, beside The Shack. We are given a responsibility scripturally to both not be deceived and to be ready in and out of season with an answer of the hope in us. True, it is easy to fall in love with a false Jesus who tells you that it’s “ok” to love your physical life devoid of fruit, when the actual living God first commanded Creation to be fruitful and multiply. It is a dangerously “pretty” film. It is a very popular way of thinking these days that things don’t affect us, eternally or otherwise. Scripture tells us quite the opposite: “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9

The priest is also confused, being accused with pride by the priest he came to seek, rather than recognizing the nature of conviction. There was not enough trust in either priest’s heart that if they didn’t save people from being tortured, that God wouldn’t use their death and bring yet others to speak the truth.

In recap, this film promotes not testing the spirits against scripture, because why would a priest need to know scripture? Secondly, it promotes unfruitful “faith” and an uncaring, glossy “God” who does not mind that you do not confess Him to lost souls. That He will forgive you for loving the life He gave you more than Him as the life giver. Now, I am not saying He isn’t patient and give chance after chance. But He tells us there is a choosing point. He tells us what cannot be in the presence of Holiness. The tragedy of this film is the priests do not love Jesus. They let the words out of their mouth take power to shape their minds and hearts as well as other minds and hearts.

“And” is a powerful word in the Bible…Confess AND believe to be saved…it’s not sufficient to merely quietly love the Lord. If you loved your spouse and never told anyone and no one ever knew your spouse was your spouse, people would wonder what was wrong with you. You’d be identified as either controlling, weird or a red flag person with which to be disassociated. In just 8 years we have gone from teaching the importance of not giving up the faith in “Black Death” a film I deeply admire and respect ( not the burning of the innocent, but the captain’s conviction) to film teaching Faith Apathy is acceptable and admirable because humans, not God, is telling us we cannot nor should we use discernment which is judging against what the infallible Truth has left us to measure. Otherwise, our society will become lawless both in the spiritual sense and physical sense.

Here is a very good quote I happened upon from Man for All Seasons about silence:
“Cromwell: But, gentlemen of the jury, there are many kinds of silence. Consider first the silence of a man who is dead. Let us suppose we go into the room where he is laid out, and we listen: what do we hear? Silence. What does it betoken, this silence? Nothing; this is silence pure and simple. But let us take another case. Suppose I were to take a dagger from my sleeve and make to kill the prisoner with it; and my lordships there, instead of crying out for me to stop, maintained their silence. That would betoken! It would betoken a willingness that I should do it, and under the law, they will be guilty with me. So silence can, according to the circumstances, speak! Let us consider now the circumstances of the prisoner’s silence. The oath was put to loyal subjects up and down the country, and they all declared His Grace’s title to be just and good. But when it came to the prisoner, he refused! He calls this silence. Yet is there a man in this court – is there a man in this country! – who does not know Sir Thomas More’s opinion of this title?
Crowd in court gallery: No!”

The film keeps popping the question, “What would Jesus do?” John 1:3 “All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made.” In scripture we see God create the heavens and earth and all these living things with a song in them. Take a moment to pause and reflect on this related short video clip: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Hd_iK6IMHCE.

The only reference to heaven being silent is in Revelation 8:1 when the 7th seal is opened. The film’s view of heaven is A “workless” eternity. Though we will be free of the curse of toil, we don’t go to eternity to do nothing. We will be with The Creator, Whose creativity is never exhaustive and he wants us to experience the fullness of joy that comes through creativity. We will not be bored there.

However, we need to remember that beauty is often beguiling. The enemy of our souls comes as an angel of light And that just as he deceived Eve by reasoning her the tree was “good for food” and that it was pleasant to the eyes” https://www.blueletterbible.org/nkjv/gen/3/20/t_conc_3006, so too are we trying to justify yet today with what lessons are being fed to people through the arts. Matthew 10:33 clearly draws a line when Jesus tells us that whoever denies Him before men (on a consistent continual basis as the film shows these priests doing–not just a one time mistake like Peter denying Christ, because the Disciple Peter went on to be vocal for Yeshua, for Jesus and was put to death) that Jesus will deny those who deny Him before His Father. Films such as “Black Death” uphold this truth to not be deceived by beauty, of which there seems ever growing a desire for in this temporal life. If people insist on the beauty, on only seeing that the arts, like the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is “good for food” and “pleasant to the eyes”, without considering the beauty of Holiness that King David writes of in scripture, our society, Christianity is in a very dangerous spot, not considering the ugliness of eternity without our Creator as if such a mindset or wager is a safe, encouraged thing.

~Coral Tulle Hahn



I just want to introduce you all to one of my favorite females in scripture: Rhoda. (Found in CJB Acts 12)

“v.11 Then Kefa came to himself and said, “Now I know for sure that the Lord sent his angel to rescue me from Herod’s power and from everything the Judean people were hoping for.” 12 Realizing what had happened, he went to the house of Miryam the mother of Yochanan (surnamed Mark), where many people had gathered to pray. 13 He knocked at the outside door, and a servant named Rhoda came to answer. 14 She recognized Kefa’s voice and was so happy that she ran back in without opening the door, and announced that Kefa was standing outside. 15 “You’re out of your mind!” they said to her. But she insisted it was true. So they said, “It is his angel.” 16 Meanwhile, Kefa kept knocking; and when they opened the door and saw him, they were amazed. 17 Motioning to them with his hand to be quiet, he told them how the Lord had brought him out of the prison and said, “Tell all this to Ya’akov and the brothers.” Then he left and went elsewhere.”

Rhoda is a listening girl of God, a happy, joyous girl of God, and a insistent girl of God. Three qualities that work together admirably, and yet qualities we tend to segregate. She knew Peter’s (Kefa’s in the Hebrew) voice. Given that when the praying folks did open the door and Peter motioned them to be quiet, we can reasonable estimate Peter, realizing he had actually been gotten out of prison, probably would not have been shouting to draw attention. So, Rhoda really had to recognize his voice, having spent time in his presence when he was preaching loudly to still recognize it when he used it in a quieter called for situation. Her response is beautiful. She didnt open the door for him, but was so ELATED that she crashed the prayer meeting! She faced being called crazy by people superior in age and spirituality, she faced being told by those who were praying for Peter that she had heard Peter’s angel. These pray-ers must have thought she heard in the spiritual realm, but Rhoda announced that Peter was standing outside! (Not just that she had heard Peter.) It is a beautiful contrast of listening vs not listening. Their hearts were focused so much on praying, which itself is a good thing, that they deemed opening the door to Peter’s Angel less important than opening the door for Peter. I mean, Peter’s angel coulda given them heavenly knowhow to how Peter was faring, don’t you think? Kefa had to keep knocking for one of them to open the door. All this happened at night.

Had they ignored his knocking, they probably would’ve witnessed his trial ending in death, with the knowledge he had come to them, and that would be an awful thing to carry round the remainder of your life. Had Rhoda opened the door, her blessings would have differed. Had she opened the door for Peter and Peter walked into the prayer meeting, given their heart condition I can only imagine what a stir that might’ve caused. The fact that someone opened the door for him, muchless her nature might’ve been lost to history. As it was God used Rhoda as a vessel to tell others who were praying, that their prayers had been answered, probably along with her own. We don’t know what happened to her after she insisted Peter was standing outside but since she was a girl, not woman. I would guess she was detained or prevented from opening the door, since her news was not taken positively. Rhoda, in Hebrew means “Rose.” We ought not ignore the listening, joyous, insistent roses the Lord uses to woo us in our spiritual lives.


I personally grew up in a home where, though God brought teachers, mentors and friends into my life to teach me truth and He spoke to me through His word, I lacked guidance I wish I had had from those godly guidance within the family unit . I know many of the younger generation now and those coming to Christ who don’t have strong, wholistic biblical guidance ache too for the piece that may always not be there, but God’s word is never failing, never lacking. Here are some starter verses to begin praying for God to guide you:

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8

“You will guide me with Your counsel,
And afterward receive me to glory.”
Psalm 73:24

“A good man deals graciously and lends;
He will guide his affairs with discretion.”
Psalm 112:5

“The integrity of the upright will guide them,
But the perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them.”
Proverbs 11:3

“To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death,
To guide our feet into the way of peace.”
Luke 1:79

“However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.”
John 16:13

So, we need to pray that God teach us more about, draw us closer and keep us sensitive to which of the above He is particularly using to understand why:

1. His eye
2. His council
3. Discretion
4. Integrity
5. The way of peace
6. Into all truth

Now, let’s dig a tad deeper in each and what the seasons look like with them:

His eye

To begin this short section, we must lay a foundation of understanding the term “apple of His, Your eye” found in the Bible-mentioned four times. Interpreted two ways, both as precious in sight to Him and as vulnerable physical quality of the pupil. If someone were to poke their finger in your own eye, our proper bodily reaction/response is both to shut our eyes as a muscular contraction to release tears and hopefully put up our hands as additional shield from further attack. Still, it surprises people that believers who have a love for the word do this in the spiritual sense when in a season of intense warfare. Some of the ancient Hebraic prayers encouraged the use of hands covering the face when in prayer to God because He was and is Holy out of respect. Now, in battle, we approaching the enemy. However, we are told the helmet of salvation should be fitted to our faces as protection for our head parts, including our eyes. Proverbs 7:2 says “Keep my commands and live, and my law as the apple of your eye.” God describes with us in scripture that when someone touches us as believing disciples, a visual of them touching His eye. If someone pokes Him in His pupil, don’t think He will do nothing about it.

His Council

Sometimes God leads us in a season, though we ought to continually be growing in wisdom from godly council, honing understanding of good wholistic council, its administration, into reception, on one topic or another found in His Word. Council, as an entity in the gospels consisted of a mis of these factions of people: Pharisees, scribes, elders, chief priests. Joseph of Arimathea who had Yeshua buried was a member of the council. They are the ones accountable to, if you used the word “Raca” on a brother. (A word and mindset of despising another person made in His image). Paul was brought before the council in regards to the debate of outside interpretation of discounting the Torah of Moshe/Moses, or despising the law. The council, bottom line deals with disrespect. So, when we pray for God to guide us in His council, we desire to learn through His word with the now present help of concordance as a tool, about respecting God, respecting His creation, distinguishing what God defines as disrespectful or unworthy vs worthy.


The nine verses (NKJV) that mention discretion most often describe this as a season or learning how to deal with things graciously, learning about how and from what the Lord is preserving you, and the training of being slow to anger. The beauty of fruit preserves, is there’s different flavors and yet they all taste sweet. Likewise discretion ought to be sweet. Graciousness is the catalyst for entrusting another’s discretion. However this world grows ever more selfish in both heart and mind. It is oft said in Christian circles that grace is us being given what we don’t deserve. So the transaction proceeds as expectation to be given what we don’t deserve in exchange for personal information. We use wisdom to determine a persons consistency of character before giving them sensitive information about our lives hopefully. More and more people display lack of grace or discernment, easily offended and quick to offend, which, by Webster’s definition is pure antithesis of discretion.


Though it is something we are called to walk in, this aspect of guidance has a hinge-like nature. Although Psalm 78:2 references Jacob’s shepherding the people, the integrity of our own lives in relationship to God allows or disallows the capacity of realizing how He shepherds us and allows others to see His skill in our lives. Proverbs 10:9 also tells us that walking with integrity, we walk securely. It is a word used by People such as Paul, Solomon, David, Job and Abimilech who unwittingly took Abrams wife for himself, being told she was Abraham’s sister. Integrity is something considerable by our Creator, something we rely on His uprighting us as well as one of four core pieces to Titus’s writing of doctrine (the others being reverence, incorruptibility, and sound speech that cannot be condemned) Titus 2:7-8.

The Way of Peace

Luke 1:77-79 keys the need for knowledge by the remission of sins. Our Guide and the Prince Himself of peace cannot lead us in the way of peace, when we insist in sin and turmoil. I went through a divorce two years ago, and though I had experienced Yeshua’s protection in the midst of the battlefield, experienced His covering, experienced the Joy of His Holy Spirit in worship which at two different times, once transported me to the heavenlies where I actually felt my soul come back into my body and another time when I had to ask God to stop because I felt like my physical body would burst, and I experienced the warm and gentle Love of the Holy Spirit the day I was baptized, I had never experienced such a calm, even though the family unit was in an uproar over what half thought I had done, the other of what they saw and read my spouse doing. I understood then what “peace that PASSES understanding” truly meant. It is the way that

Those who insist on making their own crooked path
Those who live for and in injustice
Those who do not seek after God

do not know, as mentioned in Isaiah 59:8 & Romans 3:17. The way of peace is a blessing first given and seen in Judges 18:6 by the priest, echoed by the Pharisee turned missionary disciple of Yeshua, Paul, in 2 Thessalonians 3:16.

Into all Truth

We must bear in mind the origin of this “into all truth” is NOT as modern Christians tend to interpret truth being in everything including pagan stories as the key core of the gospels. We have switched the Comissioner’s intention if we do to rather not hide the Word of God in our hearts, properly using cultures understanding to point them toward the Truth, the Word of God, but have laid a foundation of culture first sprinkled with itty bitty pieces of scripture. There are two included crucial traits of the Spirit that leads in all Truth. Namely:

He will not speak on His own authority
He will tell you things to come

Now he may not for our own growth do both things simultaneously every/all the time as our spirit may need to digest one piece of scriptural truth before moving on to another, but He WILL always be in alignment with the Truth, the Word of God holistically, that you can find the truth of what was said time and time again through the old and new testaments.

Love of the Law

In Christianity loving the Torah is looked upon often and by many with disgust. We tend to tie up the definition of love in that one singular Corinthians passage as an easy to remember. Though reasonably you can apply definition to it, it is a list of love’s behaviors and non behaviors.

8 Things Love does not:


Parade itself

Is not puffed up
Behave rudely
Seek its own
Thinks no evil
Rejoice in iniquity

7 Things love does

Suffers long and is kind

Rejoices in the truth

Bears all things

Believes all things

Hopes all things

Endures all things

Never fails

With such a list sometimes if not more oft than not it is easier to love quietly in the heart. Some people choose paths that we are not allowed by others to love because we are rejected along with Christ, but the definition of love stands to love actively to the actively understanding and the passionate learners and fellow observers of His love. I include observers because we need and are called to observe the law, to observe His love, how Christ loves us, not just how we feel He might love us that is based on our selfish interpretation and feelings over the lining up of scripture.

Love is

Better than wine (Song of Solomon 1:2)
As strong as death (Song of Solomon 8:6)
The fulfillment of the law (Romans 13:10)
Of God (1 John 4:7)

The words of Jesus resonate in my heart, “IF you love Me, keep My commandments.” John 14:15

Why should I? The spiritual youth might ask. Out of the 16 times this shows up in scripture (keeping commandments), these four benefits appear:

1. Deeper understanding of His Lordship (Leviticus 22:31)
2. His giving rain in due season and thus land and tree bear produce and fruit (Leviticus 26: 3-4)
3. His Mercy (Deuteronomy 5:10)
4. Gathering to and by Him to “the place which I have chosen as a dwelling for My name”. (Nehemiah 1:9)

Unknown Life

Water pelting on my palms,
Reflexive waterfall.
My soul, my eyes,
My tears in His bottle.
His tears pepper my hands.
Like the joy
I begged to be filled with,
I begged cessation.
I cannot hold
My Master’s beautiful tears.
My body can’t withstand His delight.
I question my testament
As His witness.
Yet, is this question selfish?
I close my eyes,
And feel the unendingness,
The sighs and dryness
Of calloused winces.
Would that I could cry,
But the river has run dry.
His coal fire has my lips
Searching the dark world
For tinder and flint.
Tender lips of mine,
Crack and bleed.
Leaving a trail
Of the Truth behind me
That thirsty souls
Dare not quench.
A liquid described, ordained
Both intimate and precious.
My tears now sound,
Not as drops
But veil-rending screams.
I hear you Creation,
I hear hurting people
I hear you Savior,
Your words from so long ago.
An ancient song–
One of things set right.
Pelting water
Soothes my blood
Inside this tent
But my lips
My lips
So long,
So cooled and dying,
Are ignited.
I close my eyes,
Remembering the warmth
Of the afternoon sun
Gently touching my skin
As the frigid breeze
Tickled my face,
Sweeping over
The air aswirl
With friendly gold and frosty silver.
How not unlike the soul inside,
Feeling the unobtainable warmth of
The Spring of resurrection
But swept over snuffed
By the glacial song of death on
Hell’s barren cold brimstone.


God’s Stuffed Animals

“Hold fast” used to be a cultural family motto to which I belonged. I used to hate it, and have long struggled with the motto because it was saturated in pride and self-strength. It was an ugly thing. However, today God is working in me restoration and healing. Yesterday, I had an unpleasant encounter with a person who threatened to tell an authoritative figure their side of the encounter which the individual believed would be wholeheartedly received and believed by the authority figure which would result in something unjustly taken away from me. Already this week I’ve faced the increased concern of flooding where I live in Northern California. I put the few things I have from my past, my film notes from school, my childhood drawings, as high up as I was able since I live by a place near where water has filled up on the other side. The questions rattle round my brain. Is it safe to leave my rabbit home alone? Should I take him with me, being on the ground floor? If it flooded would there be damage? How much water would come through? (When it would be great to have a mathematician mind to calculate the gallons of water, distance, rate flow etc., but I’m an artist.) Only one other time has an individual done this to me unjustly in my twenties, and the figure in authority didn’t even listen or acknowledge I had a side to the story in a church setting, so having the encounter I did the other day, heaped on with about 20 years I’ve stepped away from, was like an emotional river I tried to keep my head above water. I took a long walk and that helped distance myself emotionally from breaking down sobbing, to sort things, pull certain thoughts, come up with questions and focus on the Truth. However, it didn’t help my recurring feeling of wanting to wretch/vomit, which I only used to deal with when I went through a series of rejections 12 years prior for several years, off and on. Nor did it help my nerves. It was only til today that I could actually cry and let the tears out, even though I wasn’t sure what particular pain from the past I needed to feel release from. I called a friend, prior to my tearful short release alone, and at the end she suggested I give my bunny a cuddle. Reminding her that my bunny doesn’t do cuddles (having been kicked and hurt by others) she suggested a stuffed animal. That got me to thinking of a time long, long ago watching my mother sew from a pattern a dinosaur stuffed critter for my cousins with cute, beady, black eyes and movable legs. I myself as a kid had a plethora of stuffed animal friends. Now, as an adult, I have a few that are gifts or souvenirs from traveling. But it got me to thinking about the power of holding something. How much that must touch the lives of those who HAVE lost everything, whether in a flood or earthquake or windstorm. We often treat those situations (or can) with the colloquial “Well, you didn’t lose ‘everything’, you still have your life and family…you’re still alive.” But we forget then the importance of family heirlooms, the history. Sure, we can tell things and pass things down verbally, but to see a tangible object as a lesson of something put into our hands has power to brand upon soul and mind. Sometimes we need the hug or wrapping of the Holy Spirit, but there are times when we need to hug some THING…when we need something small, yet powerful to hold on to. To “hold fast.” To cuddle and cry. To squeeze. Now, the Holy Spirit is not small nor an object, but peace is holdable, not always holding something or our words in, but a “stuffed animal”, if you will, from our Abba Daddy for those of us who had or have had challenging or unhealthy relationship with a parent or parents. Here is a short list of things I found listed in my Strong’s Concise Concordance under “hold & holding”:

peace, that which is good, the word of life, traditions taught by word or epistle, faith, a good conscience, eternal life, the form of sound words, confidence and rejoicing of the hope, the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end, our profession/confession (of Jesus), the hope set before us.

God only knows which stuffed animals you need to hug today, but He knows. We may grow up into adults, but I believe it is a human need, not in a unhealthy, codependent way, but just a need when you’re really hurting inside, when cuddling in your blankets or bed just isn’t enough. Sometimes we just need a stuffed animal. Not a pet or another person that might grow tired of being held. Even though the attributes listed are not wholly inanimate, their healing properties nourish our soul in order to further the Lord’s work. For those of you who also need to hug something today, I hope this brings you comfort, releases and restores.

List of referential verses:
Prov 17:28
“Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.”
1 Thes 5:21
“Test all things; hold fast what is good.”
Phil 2:16
“holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.”
Phil 2:29
“Receive him therefore in the Lord with all gladness, and hold such men in esteem”
2 Thes 2:15
“Therefore, brethren, stand fast and hold the traditions which you were taught, whether by word or our epistle.”
1 Tim 1:19
“having faith and a good conscience, which some having rejected, concerning the faith have suffered shipwreck,”
1 Tim 6:12
“Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”
2 Tim 1:13
“Hold fast the pattern of sound words which you have heard from me, in faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.”
Heb 3:6 the confidence and…
“but Christ as a Son over His own house, whose house we are if we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm to the end.”
Heb 3:14
“For we have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end,”
Heb 4:14 & 10:23
“Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.”
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”
Heb 6:18
“that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.”

Abuse & Overcoming

I will begin archaically with a anecdote. A long time ago in a not so far away city, a woman walked along the sidewalk on a warm Indian Summer day in autumn. She was hunched over, her heart full of tears and scarred from the many times she had been emotionally and internally stabbed. She looked and felt defeated. She thought about about moving towns, to gain a fresh start, yet at the same time felt like she could not escape what had happened to her on the inside, what people did not see. Suddenly a subconcious stream hit her providing a current for her to swim. An epiphany came to her. She had a choice! She could move in the physical sense from place to place and town to town never being able to run from things because they were on the inside of her or she could take a stand. She stopped as the light went on in her eyes, realizing how ridiculous it was to let one person, even if it were her mentor, or anyone for that matter pretend to be God. She wouldn’t let a 50 something year old woman push her out of town just because the mentor had become a wedge and more influential with her fiance than she! She had crossed an entire continent to get to California! She stood resolutely and spoke into the cosmos/universe/spirit world/spiritual realm that she wasn’t going to be PUSHED anymore! SHE WAS STAYING!

It was only nearly a decade later after confronting her own father who had throughout her life called her disrespectful whether she opened her mouth or chose to remain quiet and a juvenile delinquent most of her young adulthood, and been through two relationships, one which she legally got married to a verbally abusive, undiagnosed narcissistic personality, that she really began to delve into the topic of abuse and recall the instant she took initiative to not get pushed around by her mentor. It was a saving moment. It allowed her to confront her father, to lose her fear, to embrace the just lividness of mistreatement while not fighting fire with fire. It allowed her the strength to stand up to her husband who called her things behind closed doors and not be able to deal with the emotions he elicited in her by his unequal treatment. The persistence; strength to stand. Research and recall of this pivitol moment of several things in that moment and the number of people she had also met in her life that had been abused, by a stranger, by a parent, by a former relationship(s), by a spouse…the epiphany and the psychological detail to that epiphany I experienced I wish I could have shared with them and want to share with others.

In my research as to explanation to myself and to others why I took the path I took, though determined to avoid, I am just starting to learn the medical terms for things but English-put, there are peptides (chemicals) in our brain we get addicted to and the more we feed that experience or emotion without change, we become ABUSE ADDICTS. Recalling my experience with my mentor and my choice to not move cities, I realize now what I didn’t have the words for then. Here is what people need to realize: that freedom realization comes in many phrasing, but here is mine logically: I realized that I was contemplating two roads. I was contemplating a choice. Choice means freedom. I had FREEDOM TO CHOOSE what path I would take. That was POWERFUL.

Unfortunately, so many abused or abuse addicts gain the emotional weight if you will of being fed poison from poisonous words that just like people who struggle with eating and losing weight, dieting, etc, people with emotional weight struggle with the losing of the words of poison of emotional junk food. It is hard to know what a healthy diet of truth and encouragement tastes like. It’s like you are afraid to eat it or it tastes so good you wolf it down not knowing or believing you could have more. Many people’s experience with biblical truth is also part of the abuse because it is associated with negativity and unacceptance (not for their behavior or sin) but them as a person. So if their soul doesn’t matter, why should their emotions?
There are three main things I want to discuss as a starter to this vast topic that are three building blocks of foundation.

Here is number 1:

The Bible tells us we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Hence it is important to develop a relationship and hold fast this truth to love God, seeing He is a loving Creator. This is so, so foreign to someone who has had their walls torn down their entire or most of their life. And especially if one is introduced to abuse at a younger age, when legally, you do not have freedom to leave. It can mentally/psychologically be more of a CHALLENGE to realize your rights to boundaries and walls. You were supposed to be guarded and protected, but your walls were torn down by someone more physically powerful than yourself, of adult advanced mental capability of deceit and credibility and of course again backed by the law, a very powerful entity which can place you with certain people. Your walls of beauty and the beauty of protection has been distorted and called ugly.

Most all of us have seen a toddler realize their power for the first time in knocking down a tower of building blocks or legos or whatever and the power thrill they get at the new realization of demolition. Its somewhat cute/non harmful with building blocks but we hopefully chide them and tell them the lesson that its is not good to knock down something so carefully put together by themself or someone else because it is a lot easier to demolish than the time it takes to build something up. Plus it makes a mess and if they don’t clean it up someone will have to. Otherwise people can trip, step and hurt their feet, and it takes up room with the mess.

The Bible tells us God FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY made us. That we are the Temples of the Holy Spirit. Just as the physical temple in the Bible had a blueprint with unique features and sub-features, each one of us throughout history has had a different set of fingerprints. We are unique temples and no one else is the same temple. We are fortified with Temple walls to fortify us uniquely as no other person can be because we are individuals who yes, deal with humanity general things that tie us together through common experience. However, our walls are specifically designed, fearfully, considerately designed by God. And they are called wonderful along with all our other aspects He created.

When I had that subconscious stream hit me along with the epiphany regarding my mentor, I made a conscious decision. I not only realized things were not working anymore, I realized I was making a choice. And in realizing I was making a choice, I realized I have freedom! The FREEDOM is ALREADY IN MY CONTEMPLATED CHOICE. People in healthy households might not understand the trials others go through and might ask things like: Why dont some people realize that? Or have trouble dealing with that? Believing that? WHY ARE THE SEEMINGLY CONSTANTLY SEARCHING FOR FREEDOM? Because they have been MENTALLY RAPED.

Society and “Help” teach power without telling them the point here in this article of WHERE Freedom is. Yes, it is inside, Yes, it is in Christ, BUT WHERE in HIM?
Because People who have not been told it is not good to knock down legos or building blocks early in life, proceed to adulthood with a powerhungry God complex lacking in empathy or respect for others, including their thought processes. Or they fall away and forget.

They become bigger than the abused. They block out God to the best of their capability and the sight of him to the abused/weaker or weaker minded person and are used by the enemy, Satan, to tear down God’s temple walls. Walls are there to protect you. God built them because HE CHERISHES you as a human being! He wants us to see the walls and ask His help in keeping them up, which brings me to point number two.

Here is number 2:

The second part of this on the psychological level is that society will tell us much about loving ourselves. Indeed, that is an important part. Loving ourselves is loving what God created and should draw us closer and deeper to understanding His design of our temple and Him. However, the lack of the two other loves are not really propagated, yet are essential and here is why: If you love only yourself, you can fall into the trap of self love and forget to love others or just as worse become self absorbed and forget where we came from or even that we were lovingly designed and fall into the trap of pride. Or to love God (who IS LOVE) who Created you and wants to share a heart with you, a connection. The Bible tells us the two greatest (not only) commandments are to LOVE GOD AND LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.

Here is number three:

Love others as you love yourself. Three essentials: Love God. Love yourself. Love others as you love yourself. By loving ourselves, by paying attention and taking care of our bodies and souls, we deeper understand how were designed/built and the love of God in the detail and time of His design and uniqueness that then, we in turn can love others and tell them the same message of how God loves them too. The play Les Miserables so beautifully words why it is important to love others and the essence of that aspect: “To love another person is to see the face of God.” God may be invisible, but he made US in His own image, so that while we may not be able to physically and directly personally see Him til heaven, he calls us to love one another. Many get caught in the trap of hopelessness, lies etc. Again and again in good council and speakers on the topic the refrain is the key is realization, realization of the way you are designed, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, but it can’t and should not just stop there.

Why the cycle of abuse continues is: LACK OF PRAYER WHICH MOVES GOD’S HAND TO CHANGE A PERSONS HEART WHICH WE CANNOT DO AS HUMANS. We can merely help on the psychological level explaining the process of what happens when we are abused but it is the individual who needs prayer and for YOU to be a GOOD, HEALTHY example because they are the only one who can choose whether or not they continue getting abused, but you CAN help them, as I have in this letter, speaking from experience, they HAVE THE POWER OF CHOICE, They were created with walls, that boundaries and healthy walls CAN BE REBUILT even though it may take time. AND that FREEDOM is ALREADY IN THEIR CONTEMPLATING CHOICES OR PSYCHOLOGICAL PATHS OF TRUTH AND LIES.

I have faced and may continue to battle in years to come the lie, “Oh you don’t deserve a good healthy relationship because of things you have done” or “You’ve been through so much unhealthy stuff, what spiritually healthy person would want you, what hope to you have?” Well, if your hope is NOT in Jesus, you do not have hope! Because HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT. People DO disappoint. So THE FREEDOM YOU ARE SEEKING IS ALREADY IN YOUR CONTEMPLATION OF THE MIND OF REALIZING


A Silent Valentine

Valentines 2017. Today’s Facebook feed showed more than one creatively done video composed about how labels inhibit love. Although Christianity responds positively to do as we ought, seeing a person for who they are, a sneaky little unholy bit is left out. The problem starts with us. Our definition and equality of labels and boundaries. Though we have a desire within our hearts to rip division away, the only one who can do that is Jesus. is God. Does that mean we are not to be like Him? As Paul would say, “Certainly not!” However, we need to check ourselves. We as human beings reasoned ourselves out of God’s “Do not eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil…” believing the enemy, who had broken off from God. Satan wanted to strip the structure of Gods Holy and good way. He outright lied to us. Satan flat out told humans they would NOT die, but that they would be like God. He was the contrary voice instituting a concern about not being like God. Not being Holy, not being set apart. Sounds much like self righteousness does today. We do need to speak the truth in love.

We very often cave to the enemy’s lie and tell people who are in sin, “you shall surely not die” “all roads lead to heaven” “heaven allows the impure abomination of homosexuality” at this point, a bunch of you will probably flip me the bird, defriend me or whatever. I am not talking bout hating homosexuals. I had a “Christian” friend who took blind pride in hating them. I had to delete that person out of my life and cut them off completely. The same videos that promote these good intentions group a lot of what one of them called, “isms” I believe there is danger when we treat all issues with a blanket rather than look at the details. To put it in practical terms, if you tried to treat cancer of the blood the same way you treat another type of cancer, say of the bone marrow, results could be disastrous. So we swing into all encompassing individualism.

The mode of thought, everyone doing what is right in their own eyes. Now at a glance someone might ask or think that Holiness is just another form of all encompassing labeling. That of Holiness. But when we think of our negativity toward holiness…where did that negativity come from? Was it God that abused holiness or a person, a spiritual leader, the church made up of imperfect human beings or a once called Christian friend? Satan wanted Gods power. Satan is the one who works at deceiving us into his power with no responsibility way of thought. His very first evil mission was to divide mankind, who was made in Gods image by getting Man and woman to doubt they were made in Gods image, that they needed to be like God. And thus ou sands of years of history where mankind has set idols for themselves worshipping creation, material, themselves.

Our desire for Eden’s return runs deep, but we are taking it upon ourselves to create it over, by shows and eateries that celebrate nudity in a imperfect lust prone and prideful world. There is power in stripping away labels. Power in no borders. But if we don’t look at the disaster that happened at the first necessary boundary, we learn nothing. Think a moment if Satan had not been cast away from purity, if God were really tainted, not just that people misrepresented God? There would be no hope, no Jesus, there would be no Eden. There would be no lake of fire. There would be no hell, but because Satan is not God and never had Gods power to create, there would be nothing, not even void. No limbo, no place for your soul after death, no cemetery plot, no earth no hell no heaven. That’s a thought of magnitude. It’s a scary thought. But the possibility of what could have been has the wonderful ability to draw us back to the truth of what mercifully is. It is hard to imagine or conceptualize purity in this ever increasing impure world and society, but when we find something good, we desire to preserve it, to protect it, be it a beautiful relationship we fight for or a gift given to us by a real friend to preserve the memory and time shared. God is pure and Holy. Now regarding race, the church has long and wrongly abused and misused the color of skin, a physical element as a claim of spiritual inferiority. However, when it comes to homosexuality, though they too are not less as people, we as Christians have and continue to dichotomize and redefine what spiritually God says is an abomination and clearly cannot reside in heaven with Him. It is not solely a physical or psychologically chemical issue, not is it solely a spiritual disembodied issue. Racism, with dark-skinned nationalities tried to misrepresent non whites as descendants from Cain, calling him cursed and thus his descendants but if they had read their bible more clearly, they would see Gods love and protection as God put a mark on Cain, not out of condemnation, but to keep Cain from harm.

Unlike our skin color that was given to us by God that science so far has not figured out a way to change, homosexuality is a spiritual abomination, whose physiochemical elements/part has been figured out by science how to tweak. The issue is that we as humanity contradict the form, the image, if you will, God designed, to tailor is to how we “feel”. God is left out. God is not inquired of. If we contradict what scripture says we are responsible for lying to the homosexuals. Homosexuality is a spiritual abomination that if we do not detach and ask for healing from the one who became a curse so we could have eternal blessing– if we live lying consistently, liars also cannot reside with Him.

Holiness has become negative in humanity’s eyes. Yet, King David sings of the beauty of Holiness. Paul, who lived his life as Pharisee Saul of self righteousness thought of as being set apart came face to face with the compassion and power of Holiness and was able to from then on the difference and dedicated His life to sharing what Holiness truly was and is and is to come. We are supposed to live out “Thy will be done on earth AS it IS in heaven” note the as it is statement. We are to understand heaven and God and Jesus by His word, not our own standard. His imagination for wonderful Holy things is beyond ours, though we can strive to artistically imagine. The Bible does not say: “Thy (or our) will be done in heaven as it is on earth.” We have tried that over and over and over and most people complain bout how bad the world is becoming what with war and rape and bloodshed and hate and selfishness and greed. That is not what the Kingdom of Heaven is made of. That is not what Gods children of His Kingdom ought to be made of. In spreading the lies that are right in man’s eyes over loving and sharing what is right in God’s and the hope, we are no better than a silent Valentine.

Love: Not an Expiriment

I have made a few mistakes in my life when it comes to choice of love. I am an artist, and in the past “loved” love, which is not entirely a bad thing. God is love, and to have His heart to love is a great gift to share. But, it can also be taken advantage of, even though people claim Christ do not always lead fruitful lives. Just as scripture calls us not to ask who will go to heaven or hell as spoken of in Romans 10:6-8, so too does God not wish us to nullify feelings. The Christian popular colloquialism is to use the idea (or saying) not to trust our feelings because they can lead us astray. Now, for years as a writer, people have brought up on occasion my fascination of word usage, calling me “nit picky”. However, I believe that when we speak something we give it power to influence our thoughts, and ironically our feelings, toward various topics.

The scripture has a lot to say about feelings, or sense. For starters, as an artist, God designed us to feel and sense. Bugs have to rely mostly on their antennae. Snakes smell through their tongues. But us? We don’t have fur. We were given skin. Merely googling my question of how many nerve endings the body contains, ask.com estimates 95-100 billion! On top of that we have ears and eyes and tongue and nose. Perhaps we do not give enough gravity or breadth to the statement about not trusting or following our heart/feelings/senses. Perhaps we should rectify the doctrinal statement to: we shouldn’t trust our feelings devoid of wisdom. Why? What is the big deal, you ask? Because to borrow another colloquialism: “it goes without saying”. If things go without saying, without challenge or inspection for truth that thing will keep going out and spreading.

The Bible has a lot to say about discernment and wisdom. Feelings devoid of scriptural founding, yes, will lead us astray. However, that does not mean (as many of us know) that we should ignore our feelings altogether. The scripture also has a lot to say about the lack of feeling, the uncompassionate, the burned conscience, etc. It differentiates between the heart of stone and the heart of flesh. Because I have made not-so-smart choices in my own love life, and because of that now struggle with love and trust of another person ever again, I hate to see anyone pass up what could be something lasting if God is leading them toward someone, just because the church may tell them to not trust what God gave them. I am not saying at ALL to get with someone before marriage, nononono. I am merely stating that the colloquialism not to trust our feelings, is in itself, a feeling, or a lack of feeling. It is called fear. Not fear of God but of man. God (Who is love…pure love casts out fear). Fear is also described as a spirit in scripture, and we are called to test the spiritual/spirits against scripture. If it doesn’t sit well with what scripture has told us to be true, that is a sense to our hearts and spirit for a reason. We, our hearts, are also soul/spirit, so we need to test our own desires with those of Our Creator.

I hope people here have had a blessed Valentines Day and pass this along to those struggling with feelings. Feelings, are in essence, an occurrence when something external touches our bodies or soul/aura, or minds. It can be gentle, hurtful, deceptive or true and convicting. Take it from not only one who has “loved” love but loved individuals with fierce loyalty as a trait from upbringing, but who found the scriptural truth that we need wisdom in order to trust God’s love and affection for us before we can begin to establish feelings which may be devoid of His trust and wisdom. Before we establish feeling that may not account for God’s feelings in and surrounding any romantic relationship. As I wrote this past week (when questioned on this topic of why not living together before marriage) to keep it simple stupid–it’s about not hiding your light under a bushel and experimentation. Rather it’s about trust and surety.

The mentality of “let us try this out and see if it works” doesn’t work. Even married couples who are Christians get divorced because they don’t either originally have a solid foundation together in Jesus or one or both of them let go of their relationship with Jesus. Even though you may not think you’re hiding when you live together, you’re hiding from the commitment, hiding service and blessing of God, hiding from His blessing on your Union as a public celebration of witnessing what He is doing in each individual unified in marriage as a ministry. Take it from someone who has seen, experienced, read the Word, continues to deepen understanding, and loves feircly because God Himself showed deep, deep love, grace and discipline to me. But, don’t JUST take it from me, take it from Love Himself: God, Who created every billion, zillion of your nerve endings of your body and breathed nafesh (spiritual life, a soul) into you at conception and knows things you cannot even see with your sensory eyes.

Featured post

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑